Bringing Home The Bacon?

Thanksgiving is now over with and I suddenly realized we are heading to Philly in less than 20 days! I don't feel prepared at home, with finances, at work... I feel completely scattered and unorganized!

I am looking forward to getting away for the holiday. I love the city of Philly and an looking forward to being able to bundle up. I can't exactly get ready for the trip mentally until I feel financially secure.

This year has been a major struggle in the financial department in the Bolan household. The first year we started our business was golden. We made an incredible amount of profit and our projections for the next year were looking very lucrative. Unfortunately we suffered some serious setbacks - staffing trouble, job setbacks, and unexpected expenditures because of injuries and insurance increases. Oh and taxes.., 

All in all we are significantly down this year and have suffered great turmoil over cash flow, payroll and even our own personal financial troubles. It's been one of those hunker down and ride it out sort of years and I'm losing patience and faith quickly. I have constant anxiety and am burnt out on the struggle. 

The great success of the first year of our business was a fluke; it was a glitch and we are now in the thick of the challenge everyone warned us about. I just don't know if I can take 5 years of this. I don't know if I can put our life on hold for that long. We have no kids and if we wanted them we wouldn't be able to have them for at least five more years... I would be too old. We won't own a home, take nice vacations, have a nicer vehicle, none of that at least the five years it takes to be running the business out of the red.

The American dream is scary as hell. It's a lofty notion but hard to live out. The day in and day out is so stressful and trying on our relationship. I just keep asking myself, is this really worth it? I have been carying the family financial for two years now and I feel like we are farther back from where we started. I am thirty years old and want to enjoy our life. I want some of the nicer things and most importantly want a stress free life. 

Today wa a good day, it wasn't bad and it wasn't great; just a day like any other. It was a day I could plug in mentally to a project and just focus. I could mentally drift and ponder my future and reevaluate my game plan and our approach to getting ahead. I need to help Tom and find financial assistance. I need to help him find a partner or someone who wants to invest money and time to show him how to run a business.

I'm exhausted and hope I can sleep through the entire night and just make it past this mini vacation so I can get home and back into bringing home the bacon.