So Sorry

I am so glad it's Friday! I am literally 1 week in to school and already realizing that it's going to be a lot harder than I thought. I honestly don't know what I expected. But like friends have said, maybe I just need to get back into the swing of things again. After all, it has been like a decade since I've really had to study!

Maybe it was a result of lack of sleep for several days or stress from a non-stop schedule, but I was in a terrible mood today. I hate when it shows, especially at work. It's not a good trait and not something that belongs in the workplace. But sometimes it's hard to hide or pretend you aren't feeling. Bottom line - this week I felt overlooked by some people in a few aspects of my life and it caught up to me when time escaped me and I forgot to eat before hitting my breaking point. 

One of my pet peeves is being interrupted. It's fucking rude and makes me feel small and inconsequential. It especially pisses me off when it's someone I respect or look up to. It happened Tuesday twice - blatant disregard for someone I was in mid conversation with, their attention diverted to the interrupter. It happened a few other times yesterday. Just not my week for understanding towards this shit. 

Yesterday I pulled an 18 hour day. Awake for that long turns me into one crazy bitch. I need to focus on time management skills and find my inner chi! Goozfrabah!

There is also something bothering me deep down in my heart. I feel guilty. I stopped talking to my dads mother after my wedding. It was a choice I made because of a long, painful history of verbal abuse and other family drama. I saw her briefly almost three years ago when her husband, my step grandpa, passed away. But I have not seen her until this past weekend and it was under unfortunate circumstances. 

She suffered a decent size stroke at the age of 96 and already had progressive dementia. Now she has no clue who I am, has cognitive issues, doesn't know where she is or who has visited her most of the time. She is confused, agitated, frustrated, and just not there. My heart hurts so much because I was too stubborn to swallow my pride and make amends when she was coherent. Now she will never know that I loved the good parts of our relationship; that I cherish the happy memories with her. That I miss her and love her very much.

I am sorry for being such a bitch today and for having little patience. Tomorrow is a new day and a time for renewed confidence and inner strength. Cheers to a weekend long at last!

Judgement Day

I absolutely love people watching. I think it's so much fun to make up a story about who each person is; where they come from, where they are going, their personality traits. I get a lot of good people watching time in at the gym. I have started to notice some definite character traits in people that lead to my assumption of what type of person they must be.

Take the girl on the rowing machine. She has her straight brown shoulder length hair pulled back tightly in a low ponytail. She is wearing a gray tank top and back leggings with some generic Nike running shoes on her feet. With every pull of the rowing bar into her body she stares intensely into her reflection in the mirror, grunts audibly, and checks out her form. She is a perfectionist. She does the same thing with every pull, rigidly moving back and forth, always checking herself in the mirror. She has a decent body that she clearly works on with regularity, but she thinks she is way hotter than she truly is. She must be a perfectionist: a goody goody; a total kiss ass. 

And then there is the middle-aged man in the Superman t-shirt. I'd say he is about 45, jet black evenly cut generic hair, lean body type, with a purposeful five o'clock shadow. He meticulously wipes down the treadmill for several minutes before getting on. Once on the machine he spends a considerable amount of time adjusting it to the most perfect workout. Alas ten minutes later his workout begins. He screams control freak! Everything in his life is done on purpose and is strictly controlled. He is wound up tight, a cautious Carl, probably an accountant. 

Lastly there is the belly dancing elliptical woman. She is definitely of Middle Eastern decent although she will tell you she's an exotic American. She is a curvy woman built like a tube of toothpaste, wearing a neon pink sports bra which she is pouring out of (not in a good way) and light gray leggings that have a sweat line accentuating her ass crack. She has dark brown, sloppy hair that is all over the place, basically one eyebrow, and a five o'clock shadow on her armpits. Did I mention she is dancing on the elliptical? Yes...you read correctly. She has her arms up in the air and is doing her rendition of the "sexy dance" while trying to feel the burn. Miss thang is rubbing her hands up and down the sides of her body while shaking her booty in some out of sync rhythm. She thinks she is the hottest woman in the gym. She wants every eye on her and is really working it in her mind. She is a hot mess. A sloppy, disheveled, smelly, hairy mess begging for a makeover on the style network's What Not To Wear. 

I sound like a total bitch, right? I'm sure I've offended several of you reading this right now... I have very harshly judged these innocent strangers whom I know nothing about...and I am probably wrong about all of it. But it begs the question, shouldn't you always put your best foot forward? You never know who is judging you or who you will meet, so why not put a little effort in yourself? Why not work on your outward appearance, both physical and emotional? I don't think it's conceited to dress to impress as long as it is within reason. You should be aware of how you represent yourself, the attitude you display and how you look. Not because of assholes like me unfairly casting judgement, but because you care  about you. 

Lastly - sorry for offending. You won't always like what you read ;)