On Life, Death and Everything In Between

Yesterday was my 100^th blog, and early this morning I decided to review some of the blogs with the highest readership. A lot has gone on this past year, and that isn’t even a full year of blogging. 100 blogs in 8 months… I never realized I had that much to say.

The trip down memory lane got me thinking about life, death and everything in between. Like almost every human being I know, I go through my rough patches which can be dark, a bit negative and hopeless. I, like any normal person, occasionally lose sight of the light at the end of the tunnel, and feel like throwing my hands up at the challenges that come my way. This blog has been a blessing – a true outlet for me to let you what I usually keep bottled up inside and in turn hopefully can help someone else going through a similar situation.

I want to impart something to you. Something I have been thinking about since early this morning. Something that may help you as you go about your days or may not and you might think I’m preachy and full of it. Take out of this what you wish, leave it if you do not care; the choice is yours.

Working in my industry and losing a parent at a young age makes me acutely aware of how fragile life really is. It can be taken at any moment. Death is obviously inevitable and can be peaceful and calm or be a very scary, painful exit. We have no meter to warn us when our time is up; no empty light or cautionary sign. We exist, day in and day out, and hope that we will be there to see the next. And most of the time we live our lives on autopilot, living out a daily routine week after week.

In looking back at my blogs I apologize for complaining about the “everything in between” as much as I have. I am lucky to have that – to have it all; the stresses, the anxiety, the drama, the loss, the pain… I am lucky to have the ability to feel, even if they are negative. We are all lucky to go through the motions, even if it is the routine of daily life.

I never thought I’d be afraid of my own death, but the thought of my mortality scares me. It is the ultimate unknown and so final. Being surrounded by death every day is not easy to adjust to. It is a daily reminder that the end may be closer than it appears. But it is also a wake-up call to me that I need to pay more attention to. I have a daily reminder right in my face telling me to slow down, lighten up, and enjoy the “everything in between.”

So I give this gift to you. Slow down! Look around and be aware. Show more appreciation for those you love and those you care for. Take in the world as it moves around you and find your balance. Worry less. Trust more. Open your heart wider and fill it with more love; more joy; more energy; more compassion. Focus less on the ugliness of others and concern yourself with improving your own inner dialogue. Judge less and help more.

I woke up today feeling anxious, fearful of my family’s financial stability, a bit low. After reading all of these blogs and the emails from some loyal readers, I feel empowered to get back on track and be a better person. I feel alive and want to live a better daily life.

I do not know when my last days will be, hopefully not any time soon. But knowing that there will be an end at some point, I will life better, love harder, be stronger and hopefully you will too.

Dan The Man

Today is a hard day. I used to love Father's Day. I loved every day I spent with my dad, but father's day was a time I could make things extra special for him to show him how much love I had for him. Whether it was a creative project or a store bought gift, I loved putting something special together for him to show him how appreciative I was of his care and love.

Today Father's Day falls right along side his birthday, my birthday, any anniversary date, etc. - another reminder of his absence and a stinging on my heart that he is not around for the future. A whole day dedicated to showing appreciation and love to our father's and I am unable to do so.

Social media makes this even worse. Post after post of pictures of friends and their fathers paying homage to their strong male role models who they love so dearly. I want to be happy for everyone, I really do. I want to be happy that they have such wonderful father's in their lives that they love so much who are around to celebrate the good times and help them through times that are tough. But there is a part of me that is jealous that they have all this and that my father, so good and so kind, was taken from my life too early and is not here for me to show him how much good he has done for me in my own life and how much I have learned as a result of him.  

I must confess I can barely remember his voice. Actually most of the time I cannot recall the timber in his voice as he said my name. I can barely remember his face if I am not looking at a picture. I can slightly remember his smell in his suit shirts when he came home from work and gave me a hug after walking in the door to our house. I have no recollection of his laugh. I wish I did and never thought a day would come where I would forget. I want to remember everything and fear that a day will come where I cannot remember him at all. And then he will really be gone for eternity. I feel like small but detailed memories like the creases on his brow or the pitch to his laugh or the memories of moments in time like my first birthday or Saturday's at the Venice High basketball courts are what keeps his spirit on this earth. It preserves him in my mind and keeps his presence in my life. I know there will be a day where I will have forgotten all these details and he will be officially gone forever. I am scared and sad for that day to come.

On this Father's Day I will try extra hard to remember. And I will use the pictures posted by my friends as motivation to keep my father in my life through the memories in my mind and the love in my heart. I will work harder in his honor to live as he did and be a better person; nicer to others, more helpful to strangers, less judgmental to those less fortunate or who I do not understand. If he cannot be here with me I will life for him in my daily life. My memories may fade with passing time but he will live on in my actions. Dan the Man will live on forever.