The Power of Achievement

This weekend was fantastic. It was filled with a lot of relaxation and downtime, which I would typically think, based on previous weekends like this, would be depressing with all the quiet. However, it was actually liberating and thought provoking.

I had a lot of time to think about where I am in my life, who I have become and want to be, who I want to be with, and what I want out of my life. Not knowing how much time we all have on this earth in this life, I have always believe that it is very important to live life in a true nature, as happy and fulfilling as possible.

I feel like I've lost track of living like this and have been so wrapped up in focusing on what I've lost or has been taken from me. I have focused recently so much on the anxiety and sadness from being ignored or not cared for the way I deserve, and I've lost sight of what I should have been fighting for. I forgot that I'm important and deserving.

I got a ton of sleep and had a lot of quiet time to reflect on my post from the other day which asked the question, what do I deserve? I had time to think about my past and the aspects of my life that I would have changed. Life has been anything but easy for me and while I've had successes and achievements to get me where I am today, there are things I have experienced that I wish I could erase from my story.

The quiet of this weekend helped me find my voice and decipher what I really want from people as well as myself. I want to be successful in all aspects of my life; professionally at the top in my industry and personally in a relationship that is balanced and loving with an equal partner. I've decided that I want and deserve to be with someone who has genuine concern and shows it,  really wants to share my life and their life with me,  loves me without question, has passion for life and the adventures that come along with it. I want someone who is as fiercely loyal as I am and is also romantic and knows that while I seem very independent, sometimes I'd love a surprise bouquet of roses. Someone who isn't afraid to love.

Professionally, I want to shine. I've spent so much time riddled with anxiety over presentations and not being prepared. It is time for me to gain some confidence in my capabilities and understanding that I am damn good at what I do and have earned where I am.

A good portion of my quiet time this weekend included thinking about sense of accomplishment. This topic has been on my mind since a therapy session a few weeks ago where I was asked about my earliest achievements and couldn't name one until 20 years old. In not recognizing any personal accomplishments as I grew up I have never known a proper way to build confidence and have never seen myself as successful.

My boss reminded me this week that submitting my 50 page portfolio is quite an accomplishment that I should be exceptionally proud of. And truth be told, I really am!  It's hard to take one accomplishment and embrace and celebrate it. For me I am always looking for the next thing to work on. It's important, I'm realizing, to stop and take a moment to appreciate hard work.

I know I can't fix everything in life instantaneously. I know I'll eventually be loved and appreciated the way I want and deserve, the way I give it back. I know I'll grow within my career and rise to the top with time and experience. I know I'll have many more obstacles to get past and as well, many more accomplishments to appreciate.

I'm thankful for the good friends and family in my life while I go through this journey. I am grateful that they have stayed by my side and that I'm not alone.

I consider this weekend a success and time very well spent enjoying the silence, the contemplation and better understanding of the woman I have become and my needs.

Here's hoping for a smooth week at work and a more positive approach to that which I cannot control, those who do not act as I had hoped they would, and obstacles that get in my way.