25,000 Feet

About twenty minutes into my return flight from Baltimore this Sunday I closed my eyes and started to think about my 72 hour whirlwind adventure. The trip, while mostly business, was so enjoyable and turned out to be quite liberating for me. It wasn't about where I was going, I could have traveled to PA or NYC or really any other state. It was the act of getting on a plane and taking off to a different place, mixing things up, that woke me up to the fact that I have forgotten what it is like to do what I want and make choices for myself. It opened my eyes to what I have been missing in my life and to the things I really want to fight for.

I'm sitting here in my bed typing away and I can honestly say I feel different. These past few days I know I am a more confident, certain and strong person. I don't have a desire to take part in any drama in any sort of way and do not want people around that bring me down. I don't want to limit myself because I'm afraid anymore and really don't have much confidence in others who do. I try my best not to be too brutally blunt with people and really do need to work on reigning in my cynicism and sarcastic joking around. I have noticed that if I am upset, disappointed, frustrated from a situation, I tend to use sarcasm to express my feelings rather than talk about it. And sometimes it just comes out unintentionally with no motive. More fun things to work on.

The point of my blog is actually to talk about choices and the real value of every decision we make. It isn't to harp on the things I feel I am lacking or improvements I should make. I helped my boss coordinate this large annual conference he was asked to host for an organization within our field. It was quite an honor to be involved in the planning process and in the end I coordinated more than 90% of the conference. I was asked by the organization to coordinate the conference again this year in Baltimore, which led me to my trip this past weekend. My decision to do this also led me to making some amazing friendships and quality relationships that I would not have if I did not agree to participate.

With my eyes closed on the plane, drifting in and out of a sleep state, my mind bounced from one decision I've made in the past to another, thinking about the way they are all linked to the place I am now, sitting in this plane, heading back from an amazing trip, working at my job, doing what I do. I realize that not everyone believes that all things happen for a reason, but I do. I am starting to think coincidences do not exist. Each person in our lives serves a purpose, whether it is good or bad, whether it is a relationship that is supposed to make you think or a friendship that helps you grow. The importance of every decision is something we need to be open and willing to recognize.

This trip showed me that I not only love the East Coast, but I love my ability to do things on my own and make my own decisions. It showed me that the people in my life that do not give me what I want were good for a time, but do not need to be there any longer. I learned what true friendship and companionship is, what opportunity I have, and the value in living life in the moment and giving up a bit of control.

Tonight, even though it was Chanukah and I was alone and wishing I had kids to light the Menorah with and a family to say prayers and make potato pancakes with, I am not as sad as I had expected I would be. I know that I am loved by those important to me and for those who can't seem to be there, I really do not need them. I know that I am going back to Baltimore on another adventure and I can't wait to see what unfolds. I can't wait to approach this year taking life as it comes my way, embracing change and unknown adventure, meeting new people and taking a positive, proactive role in my life.

Happy Chanukah to my Jewish friends out there. May it be warm and bright.