I ended 2014 with a vacation which was such a great way to
close out a year that has been trying and has often tested my ability to cope
and my resolve. I was put through my paces and faced some real pain, but
have managed to overcome and stay positive through it all. I feel like I’m
ending 2014 on a very hopeful note and am ready to conquer 2015, making life
happen instead of waiting for adventure to take place.
2014 was a bipolar year for me. A total up and down roller coaster from one extreme to another. I had some hard times,
especially the most painful part of it all, which was ending my marriage after
being together a total of twelve years. I don’t take that lightly and it has
been a very difficult and eye opening experience going through the divorce
process. I’ve put a lot out there for you to read and have shed light on what
it is like learning how to live alone after never really doing so, but there
are some deep personal wounds that come from such a journey that I have kept
very quiet and close to my heart. Getting divorced has tested my will, my
resolve, my ability to love, my openness and my heart. It has made me question
everything about the person I am and what I will become. It has made me
reconsider what I want out of my life and the values of family.
But it has also opened my eyes to the life I can live and to
my full potential that I have not been living up to. It has made me closer to
my friends, a better listener, more understanding, driven and accepting. I have
a greater passion for love and living true to oneself. Out of being on my own
has come an independence that has been burning inside me like a furnace,
pushing me to travel and make decisions and stand up for myself. I see value in
the person I have grown to be that I was unaware of before.
This past year has also brought new people into my life that
I am so very thankful for. I have had opportunities to make good friends that I
know are lifelong and just as thankful for our friendship as I am. Through
these friends I have been able to learn different types of love and have found
a silly side to my personality. I have grown from them, been encouraged and
found true companionship. In some of my friends I have been able to see a lot
of qualities my dad used to have, feeling as if he is even more so still with
me just in a different form.
Within this year I have helped my mom recover from a freak
accident, watching our relationship grow and mature. I said goodbye to my last
grandparent, accepted the permanent distance between my father’s family and I,
learned how to be more accepting of my emotions and even began to meditate. I received
a promotion at work, moved to a place I absolutely love, found inner peace and
love for myself. The growth in 2014 has shown me the importance of being open
and honest about feelings and intentions. It was a year about acceptance,
recognition, ownership, love, healing, kindness, charity and embracing change.
To my friends who have been by my side throughout the year –
thank you! I know I have been a pain in the ass, overemotional as well as
completely closed off, timid and hesitant, loud and obnoxious, direct and rude,
etc. I have not always been the best friend that I know I could be and I promise
2015 will be better. Thank you for not giving up on me.
To my friends who are struggling with the closing of one
year and unresolved issues – you are not alone. Life is funny and has a way of
teaching us lessons we were unaware we needed to learn. If you feel you have
not been successful or accomplished much this past year, you are wrong. You have
taught me to be better, stronger, and more open, take myself less seriously, and
push myself to learn more. You have been a great friend and that is definitely
something to take pride in.
This vacation to Baltimore, even more so than the last trip,
has opened my eyes to my ability to choose for myself. The most important thing
that I have learned within 2014 has been my voice. I have learned that I have
the voice to speak up and choose my own destiny. I am the only one who can
decide my happiness and the direction of my future and it is my responsibility
to myself and everyone in my life to speak up.
2015, I’m coming for you! You have no idea the force that is
heading your way. Here’s to a new year full of change, good fortune, new
beginnings, the good kind of unknown, friendships and love.
Happy New Year Everyone!!
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