Don't Ask - Figure It Out

I know most people do not intentionally treat other people with disregard and typically it is ill-advised to jump to conclusions or react to a situation without finding out the back story. But it's hard not to feel burned by something like this.

A big factor to my feelings today is how I react to people and how I internalize my feelings towards other peoples actions rather than letting it go. I'm not going to go into detail about what happened, but I will say that after said situation I felt completely useless. I felt like I was looked at as an unimportant component. I felt limited in the capacity of which I am allowed to contribute. 

I didn't need to let it get the best of me and bring me down. I didn't need to internalize my disappointment and frustration. I should have pushed the negative thoughts out of my head and continued on with my day in a more approachable capacity.

Rebounding from feeling like this is not easy for me. Maybe not for anyone. Maybe I care too much. There are some people I know who are asked a million times to get the simplest task accomplished yet they never get it done and are still given a position of authority. I know too many people who ride out their days at a consistent 60% effort level and are rewarded with more responsibility. It's hard not to feel frustrated with this and it's hard to understand why I give everything my all.

But my main issue plaguing me is the fact that I'm way more intuitive and perceptive than most and can usually tell what is getting someone down or when my actions directly affect someone. Most people are not this way. I don't want to be asked if I'm in a bad mood anymore or if I'm upset. If there is a question in any one's mind, chances are they are right. Chances are I'm frustrated with something that I don't want to spell out. 

I tell all my close friends this - figure it out! I am probably not going to come out right away and say "hey you really insulted me" or "I'm upset because...". I may bring it up if it's an ongoing issue, but I'm going to let it simmer for a while and most of the time it passes. I wish for my friends, family, those close to me in any capacity, to look at the situation at hand and try to figure it out instead of asking me "are you mad?" "What's wrong?" Ugh. Makes me feel worse that people can't see it on their own. 

I will come to the resolve that I have a specific place and it is minimal and that is okay. It is a process and I have a lot of life to live and things to learn. I just have a sour taste in my mouth. I don't like the unpredictability of attitudes. I don't like projected frustration or awkward silences without explanation. I don't appreciate abrupt dismissal or being ignored. I don't like being constantly pushed to the back burner; a last priority. I don't like the unknown in any capacity and ask for more communication. This is for every aspect of my life. 

Okay - no more griping. It's over with. There will be a new day tomorrow that will hopefully be better. Here are my personal affirmations for the day:

I am a good writer - I have confidence with a pen in my hand. I know I am eloquent and can make anything more beautiful or desirable through the written word. 

I am compassionate - although I try to hide this with sarcasm, I care for those less fortunate greatly. I care for those with low self esteem and try to lift up the fallen spirits whenever I can. 

I am dedicated - I will never leave someone high and dry. I will never go against those I care about. I will have the backs of those I care for and will help them fight their battles. I am a die hard loyalist and will go to the moon and back for anyone I truly respect. Sure I may complain about it, but there is nothing I won't do for those I love.