It Found Me

I had a dream last night that centered around the theme of self reflection. I had to come to terms with parts of my personality that I consider flawed and had to make a difficult decision. The dream came out of nowhere but has left me thinking about the concept of obligation.

I have to go to a baby shower today completely out of obligation. I am not friends with the mother-to-be any longer; quite frankly I have not been a friend to her for years. My husband's close friends are friends with the father-to-be and so we are obligated to attend. But why? Why do I feel such a sense of obligation? 

I go to events or spend time with people a lot of the time out of obligation, but is that doing either of us any good? I don't know if I want to be with someone if they are only spending time with me because they feel they have to...

I am not perfect; not even close. I'm just a person working out the kinks. I don't have a perfect marriage, I don't have a perfect home; I don't have children; I don't have flawless looks. I am a crazy, silly, passionate person working on myself constantly, telling jokes the whole time.

I faced the reality that I am too hard on myself in my dream last night. I examined my irrational need to fix the situation and provide advice even when it isn't requested. I acknowledged my struggle for perfection and my bad habits. I came clean and bared my soul and woke up with calming tranquility. It was nice. 

I am even more so reassured that no matter what decision I make I will end up okay. There is nothing in my life I cannot get past and I will never let myself fall so far down that I cannot get back up.

In my dream I was able to get back up with the support of some loving souls who I know are genuine and have only the best thoughts for me in their hearts. Life is tricky and difficult these days in many areas, but I can't just stop moving forward. My dream confirmed that for me.

One of my fears is seeing someone I haven't seen in years and having them tell me I haven't changed at all. I believe firmly in change and personal development and refuse to be stagnant. 

With all this fresh in my train of thought I got my big ass up and headed to the gym. I didn't find my motivation today, it found me. I am working out for those I care about, for those working hard to better their lives, for the people who can't, and for a better life for myself. The only obligation I should have is to live a good life.