And after all, you're my wonderwall

I am feeling really sad tonight. I tried to write this whole other positive blog and deleted it. I am not in that headspace. I'm feeling low; I feel like I am forgotten and  completely unimportant. I feel useless. 

I honestly could start to cry if I keep focusing on the feelings inside my heart right now. And to make it worse as I stood in the bathroom brushing my teeth I heard a car drive by blasting "Wonderwall" by Oasis on their radio. That song gets me every time. 

"And all the roads we have to walk are winding

And all the lights that lead us there are blinding

There are many things that I would like to say to you

But I don't know how

Because maybe

You're gonna be the one that saves me

And after all

You're my wonderwall"

It was as if that moment the car drove by with that very song playing was supposed to happen. It was a predetermined scheduled event. 

I feel so stupid for feeling as over emotional as I do and for feeling excluded from something as stupid as celebrating someone's birthday with a group of coworkers all because I don't have the same title in my job description as the rest of them. I shouldn't care; it's just fucking lunch. I guess it's the principle of it. I have a hard time sitting back and feeling like I'm looked at as some secretarial facilitator that is really talented at managing an outlook calendar and making copies. I have a chip on my shoulder when I am called a "secretary" by someone who spends their entire day balancing the demanding schedule of newspaper reading and paper shredding. I feel like shit when the only conversation people strike up with me is complaints and issues they want me to present to the head honcho. 

I know tomorrow is another day and I'll most likely feel better and move on. I also know that I am taking things way too seriously and that I am just feeling off balance this past week or so. I know it will be back to normal soon. And honestly if the worst I have to complain about is the occasional degrading or passive aggressive comment or being left out of celebrations, then I'm in good shape. 

I am going to sleep to hopefully have a warming and adventurous dream. And hopefully I will wake up with a lighter heart and a fresh outlook.