I Walk Alone

Tomorrow I am walking in the Walk To End Alzheimer's charity walk. I am walking alone. I am supposed to meet a family friend there and hopefully I can find her, but I am a bit disappointed no one wanted to join me. I am a bit disappointed in myself for not trying harder to get people to join and for not expressing how much it would mean to me. 

This is a prime example of how I expected others to read my mind and just instinctively know that I really would like them to join me. I'm the only one to blame here. I do have very kind friends who have generously donated to my walk allowing me to raise $240 for the Alzheimer's Assocuation. This makes me very happy. 

In case you haven't noticed by now, I am not a huge fan of doing things alone. There is a volleyball league I've wanted to join for over a year now but I just can't get there on my own. My boss went on a solo mini vacation up the coast last year and I really admired that so I set out on my own trip, forcing myself to go the distance all by myself to think about things in my life and to know I am able to be on my own if I have to. 

It was much more difficult than I thought and I really admire him for it. I am a girl who thinks it's unusual to go to a movie alone and here I am having to eat dinner by myself in Morro Bay at an unfamiliar restaurant in a foreign town. It was scary as hell but also very liberating and empowering. I did that!

So as disappointing as it is to have to walk alone, I know I can do it and be just fine. For some reason yesterday as I drove to the gym from work at the end of the day tears ran down my cheeks while listening to Ellie Goulding's song Lights. I'm not sure why it happened; maybe I was exhausted; perhaps emotionally tender. I am not sure. I know I was closing out a rather emotional and apparently tense week, but I think it was deeper than that. I feel like I'm carting around a weight on my shoulders and a heavy heart and I don't know why. Maybe I do. Maybe I think I do but I don't.

You know when you can sense something and you know someone else can sense it to but it just goes unspoken? I feel it but don't know truly what it is to put it into words. 

I have probably lost you by now so I will shift gears to something else...kindness. In the spirit of my walk tomorrow I want to bring up the concept of kindness. We could all stand to be a bit kinder to others. Especially those we really don't care for. Whether it's extending well wishes to someone you consider annoying or being supportive to a friend even if you think they are making a mistake, it is the right thing to do. Pay someone a compliment a little bit more or smile at a stranger. Do something out of the ordinary that makes someone happy even if you think it's dumb. Open up to a coworker instead of taking out your frustration on then. Take your mom out to lunch. Do anything!

I will walk alone for those who can't and will learn from this to be honest with people - if I want something I need to speak up!