The place is small. Very small. But somehow it feels more comforting than suffocating. It is warm and cozy. It's like a cross between a cabin retreat and a tree house.
Today I felt a bit miserable and anxious and was reminded of a place I have found comforting and calming in the past. Encouraged to go get some air and find my happy place, I spent some time at the Santa Monica Airport. Near the end of my marriage I would come here and sit outside on the patio outside the restaurant overlooking the runway and imagine I was flying away on one of the planes, off into the sunset. As I looked out at the runway today, letting my mind wander, I realized that I have been seeking a place to live that is stable and like home. I have been thinking a new apartment in a different area will make everything better. It's not the case. A place doesn't just exist like that. It is up to me to make it a home. To make it comfortable and stable. Life is hard. Harder than any parent ever tells a child. Twists and turns and disappointments are unpredictable. We never know the cards we will be dealt. It's all about what you make with that hand.
Sitting there with the sun warming my back and the wind in my hair, I also smiled because I feel so lucky and fortunate to have the friends I have in my life. They won't let me slip away. The won't let me hide. They encourage and promote my involvement. They are truly a blessing. I am lucky to be cared for.
This week off I have had a lot of time to myself. Too much time in some cases. And just enough to realize some important things I need to work on. I need to make my life stable and comfortable again. Only I can do this. I also need to ask for help and be more receptive. And hopefully those I ask will be there. I have taken care of myself for a very long time and need to remember it's okay to ask for help.
I am anxious and can't sleep, but I am happy. Today I found my happy place.
No comments:
Post a Comment