Feels More Like Work

I'm off of work for a week on what is supposed to be vacation, but it's more like a really extended weekend. I am a bit disappointed that I didn't plan anything to do, and taking time off while everyone is working has left me with only solo options for entertainment. I know there's nothing wrong with going to see a movie alone, but to me it is just not that enjoyable. These days alone is the last thing I want to do, especially when there are people in my life I actually want to spend time with.

I say a lot that I don't like people, but after the dream I had last night I don't think that is a fair statement. I actually really enjoy the company of those I care about. I am afraid I've pushed people away going through all the change over the past several months. I am worried I'll wake up one day and have no one in my life because I've shut everyone out. 

Today I am going to finish packing, work out, take myself to lunch and visit my new apartment. It is not a big place. Not lavish, or grand. It is small, humble, understated, historic, has some wear but all giving it character and charm. I think my new place is a lot like me. It doesn't need much, doesn't pretend to be anything it is not, and just wants to be loved and seen as beautiful for what it is. 

I can't wait to move. Both physically and mentally into a better head space. I woke up questioning a hell of a lot in my life right now. Thinking about what I have versus what I deserve. About what I share and what is shared with me. I feel like most of the time I put it all out there and am going to stop over sharing. I feel like there are people in my life I share too much with and those I don't share enough. I'm sure a good portion of my anxious worry can be attributed to the move this week, but it is also because I stopped to feel. There are some people in my life I wish would let me in more. Or be more expressive. No more over sharing for me. No more putting it all out there. I will put out what I get back and over time grow to know and understand. 

Today is supposed to be vacation, but it feels more like work.