I am supposed to be writing two more chapters for my
experiential learning portfolio for school, but the only thoughts coming to me
are blog worthy. I wish that my portfolio for school could be a compilation of
my blog entries. That is what truly comes from the heart and is the real
learning in my life that I should be graded on. I am who I am because of every
experience, good or bad. Sure, I’ve learned a lot professionally in leadership,
management, marketing, team building and so on, but I have really grown as a person
from what I’ve done and the people I’ve met along the way. Everything that I’ve
been through has molded me into the woman I am today and has led me to where I
am now.
So where am I? I am finally in a peaceful place. I am home.
I love where I live. It took a week of adjusting to living
in a smaller place, in a new area, but I can honestly say that this morning I
woke up, opened my eyes, heard the sound of raindrops on the roof and the wind
in the trees, and I smiled because I knew I was home. I am exactly where I should
be.
I am happy.
I finally feel a calm stillness that I have been seeking for
months now. My heart stopped racing (although it may be for only a short
while), my mind has slowed down, my heart is warm and I genuinely love where I
am. I love where I am going, both physically and emotionally. I have a whole
lot of love right now and am very thankful for the love I am receiving in
return.
Someone recently reached out that I was friends with a year
ago. She read my blog and wrote to me on Facebook to tell me that she knows
what I’m going through. She offered insightful and very helpful words of
encouragement and shared her own personal journey she’s been on and the life
changing events she’s faced recently. It was so nice to know that I am not
alone and to get validation from someone who has been through a similar
situation that I am making the right, positive choices. It meant so much to
have someone reach out and share their own personal story.
I often consider myself similar to a porcupine. Instinctively
when approaching the great unknown in any situation I often put up a defense
mechanism or shy away. I am afraid of what I do not know or what I cannot
expect. At least, I have been this way for most of my life. But I am really
sick and tired of being that way and am making a great effort to be flexible
and easy going. I woke up a few months ago and realized that I have missed out
on SO MUCH in life because I’ve had to control a situation. I kept myself in
this limiting little box, afraid to venture out and try new things, scared to
live.
Someone recently encouraged me to step outside my comfort
zone and try sushi. This may not seem like a big deal to you, but for me this
was huge. The thought of sushi has always repelled me, especially the raw fish
part. It was overwhelming because I cannot use chopsticks to save my life and
the menu is confusing. It is uncharted territory for me and that was pretty
much my nightmare. It helps to have someone you genuinely trust guiding you,
which I do. So we went out for sushi and I loved it. We’ve gone out to sushi
twice now and in thinking about it, the experience was not only great because
of the company, but it was great because I pushed myself outside of that tiny, safe
box and I felt liberated. In the past
few months, as a result of this person’s encouragement, I have tried Ethiopian
cuisine, Indian cuisine which I already loved, Ramin, lentils, etc. I have let
go of the need to control and have trusted that I would not be forced to try
something I would hate. And I have enjoyed it all! It is a big lesson to me
that it is okay to step outside my comfort zone and experience new things, as long
as I am with someone I trust. I don’t need to raise my quills when confronted
with a new situation or something unexpected. It’s important to keep an open
mind and an open heart.
Today, sitting in my living room on the bright green shag
rug, with the gray sky peeking through the trees outside my window and the
smell of someone’s fire place filling the air, I am at such great peace with
myself. All feels right in the world again and I am looking forward to what the
future holds for me. I am looking forward to the endless possibilities for new
and exciting adventures, deep love and companionship, blossoming friendships, a
successful career, and true happiness.
I am home. I am happy.
