Life Assessment

One of my classes this semester is on personality and organizational management. This week we discussed different personality traits that influence managing and working with people. Part of our discussion included the results from our personal assessment of our personality taken on the website https://strengths.gallup.com from the book Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath. The principles in this book and the method of the assessment are based on the founder of Strength-Based Psychology, Donald Clifton, Ph.D. Clifton’s test assesses normal personality from the perspective of Positive Psychology, specifically measuring the presence of talents in 34 general areas referred to as “themes.” Talents were described in the book as “the ways in which we naturally think, feel, and behave as unique individuals,” and these talents serve as the foundation for our strengths development. The test presents 180 questions like “I read instructions carefully” versus “I like to jump right into things” and you are given a scale ranging from Strongly Agree to Strongly Disagree. You are given 20 seconds to respond honestly to each question and at the end following the assessment, you are given your top five themes or most dominant traits that help discover your greatest talents.

I hope I haven’t completely bored you. I promise, this blog will get more interesting…

My top 5 themes are: Individualization, Futuristic, Competition, Learner and Significance. So what the hell does this all mean? It’s actually spooky how spot on this assessment is.

Individualization

In terms of individualization, I am intrigued with the unique qualities of each person. I have a gift for figuring out how people who are different can work together productively. I am a person who is driven by my talents and offer guidance to friends who seek my assistance. I derive much joy from helping people in need. I anticipate needs of my supervisors and am often considered caring and kind.

Futuristic

Futuristic means I am inspired by the future and what could be. I also try to inspire others with my visions of the future. I intentionally take steps to be the mastermind of my own future and refuse to leave my destiny to chance, resisting placing my future in someone else’s hands. I trust my own intelligence and imagination when setting a direction for my life. I am driven by my talents and gain satisfaction from envisioning what the world will be like in the future. I channel my energy toward what I can accomplish in the future and strive to transform dreams into reality.

Competition

With the competition trait I measure my progress against the performance of others. I often strive to win first place and revel in contests. By nature, sometimes I am willing to take a chance and venture into unknown territory when it may make a difference between capturing first place or finishing in second or third. I work hard to reach specific personal and professional goals, which are often earning a pay raise, winning a promotion, receiving a degree, acquiring something I value, completing a program, etc. Challenges related to status motivate me more than others and I can intimidate others by comparing my performance to theirs. My drive to succeed and be the best can make people edgy. Adversely, I often pause to figure out what I do well in order to test my abilities in areas where I am strong. I often do things I know I have natural talent for to ensure being number one.

Learner

As a learner I have a great desire to learn and want to continuously improve. In particular, the process of learning, rather than the outcome, excites me. I devote myself to things that intrigue me and frequently work without much rest as a result. I have a need to explain why things happen a certain way and endorse the importance of acquiring additional knowledge and gaining new skills. I regard education as an ongoing activity. To a certain degree, thoughts come alive when questions are posed and answers are proposed. I have a great time thinking out loud and listening to intelligent people express themselves. I frequently examine the factors leading up to an event and discover the reasons why things happened as they did.

Significance

The trait of significance means that I want to be very important in the eyes of others. I am independent and want to be recognized. I gravitate towards people whose work ethic is rock solid. I like to associate with individuals who are driven to excel and highly productive. I feel uneasy or anxious about what might happen tomorrow, next week, next month or next year. Sometimes these concerns prompt me to anticipate potential pitfalls, which sometimes works to my advantage. I like to think and plan before moving into action and prefer to be in charge of things that directly affect me. I yearn to know as much as I can about people and the more I understand individuals, the easier it is to govern them or what happens in my life. I view my job and studies as a key part of my identity.

 

So why the hell am I writing a blog about this?

Because I found this to be such an important exercise for not only my professional performance, but for my personal life as well. I think we all should pause and think about what our true talents are and what personality traits define us. We develop our traits at a very young age and hone our talents over time as we gain experience. Having this assessment really confirmed some things I already knew about myself as well as gave me new knowledge of aspects of who I am that foster strong talents.

Someone I know is struggling to get a job. He has been unemployed for a while, trying to build something on his own, not being successful with it. He has a solid education, is well-read, has a decent work history, yet he cannot seem to pin down a good career and progress in a forward momentum. This assessment made me think of him. Why is he unable to get a good job that gives him some satisfaction? Why is he stagnant? We often think of ourselves in terms of what we have done, not what we are good at and can do in the future. This guy, like so many others, focuses in on what he would like to do, which may not necessarily be what he should do or is good at doing. And saying that you are good at everything or have so many things you could do that it is hard to choose is not an acceptable answer in my book. Stop. Assess yourself. Breathe. Relax. Formulate a list of your top traits. Find where your talents lay and base your career path on that. Do what you are good at, not struggle to do that which you are mediocre. This goes for everything in your life. For him, he is not working because he is not working on himself. He is not really figuring out why he is in his specific place in life. He isn’t working on being a better person or communication. He isn’t working on past issues to build a stronger, healthier future. He is focused on finding that one perfect thing, when quite frankly that doesn’t exist. There is no perfection. There is a right job, a right partner, a right choice, a good life. That’s it. And it is harnessing the understanding of our true talents that enables us to obtain those things.

This assessment made me think of another; someone very dear to me. His strength is communication. He is independent. He is an idea guy. He is great with people and loves to talk and interact. He is also a person with the significance and futuristic traits. He thinks constantly and lives to help others. He is in a perfect job as an administrator, working with people and helping them at various stages of their life. He too works in the Deathcare Industry as a Temple Administrator and gets to work with families in the congregational setting, but as well during the final stages of their lives. He is passionate about his work and is damn good at it. He is someone I can honestly say has stopped to analyze his strengths and talents and has moved in a career path based on what he is good at to best serve the community.

For me, this assessment was spot on. I really am all of those things and really want to be the best in every part of my life. I want to be a good partner, lover, friend, family member, daughter, mother one day, teacher, manager, employee, colleague. I am inspired by this assessment to grow as an individual and take time to admit my flaws, accept my place, and grow as an individual with this new understanding of myself.

Create Your Future

I am so ready to finish packing and get on a plane. I am heading to Baltimore for work very early Friday morning, but I could be heading anywhere and I would be happy. I’m looking forward to the act of travel, as it gives me a sense of freedom and change that I have not felt in a while. I like the anticipation of taking off on the runway and the unknown adventure ahead. I am in need of a vacation desperately. Even if I am flying solo and have no one to vacation with, I still need to get away. I have been overwhelmed at work, spread way too thin, and life has not been forgiving either. The last semester of school took so much out of me and I am struggling at times to build up the wind in my sails and keep going. I have run out of steam and need a refresh.

I read something a friend of mine posted the other day about putting out in the universe the energy and actions you hope to get back. It’s similar to what parents teach their kids when they are young about doing onto others as you wish them to do unto you. I have really taken a step back from certain things in my life and have regained control over the choices I have and emotions I feel. I realized a few weeks ago (as I am sure you have read if you follow my blog) that I am in control of how I feel based on the choices I make. I have had a hard time recently with feeling hurt because I wasn’t getting treated the way I wanted. But what was I really doing to help myself or show that I wanted to be and expected to be treated a certain way? The only real action I could take was to take back the only thing I could control; me. I stepped back, gained confidence in knowing my worth and what I deserve, and started making choices for myself again. Once I decided not to let myself feel hurt and not to sit around waiting to be treated the right way, amazingly I started feeling more positive and was actually treated better!

I have changed a lot over the past several months and have found that I believe in the ideas of energy and positive thinking more than I realized. When I am around people who are stressed out or live an unbalanced life, I am affected. I feel so anxious when I let other people and their actions or choices affect me, especially when I want something from them. Such a lame thing to do giving someone that much power over me!

I put it out there in this blog often, that what I want is equal partnership, love, kindness, consistent communication, and genuine caring. I put it out in the world by being a good friend, compassionate person, devoted lover, loyal sister, patient daughter (sometimes not very successful with this one) and a decent human being. I can only be responsible for my actions and take ownership of my emotions and control my reaction to other people’s decisions.

In thinking about the approaching New Year I am quite sad that I will be alone, as New Years is perhaps my favorite holiday. But I am also finding a sense of peace in knowing that I can do whatever I desire and be with whomever I CHOOSE. I CHOOSE. It is key. Life in 2015 is not going to happen to me. I am going to decide for myself who I let in, who I love, what love I get in return, and how I feel.

Stronger is How I See You

I haven't written a poem in a long time. Woke up, had a cup of hot coffee, and started to write...

Stronger is How I See You 

Do as I say, not as I do, she says through her actions as she beats down the weak.

Selfish motivation and personal gain feed the need to be seen; oh so vain. 

Forgetting right and wrong and the scale of measure.

Treasuring nothing about a friendship that was once strong and true. Not even the fact that they were once a family will do.

Glue that held the soul together has broken down, leaving the heart on the ground. 

Shadows and pain swallowed that heart, breaking it apart, left to mend. Lend a hand when a hand is wanted; most of the time it is out of reach.

Can you teach someone to see their worth? Birth of a new relationship, trusting and letting the heart love again?

When will it be time to close out the past and use it as a lesson moving on. Gone are the days where you will be dragged down in the ground. 

Sound of the birds chirping outside the window awaken a smile and a lighthearted notion, that you can be loved again in a more true fashion. 

The road block that stops you from sharing your soul can be torn down if you move past your frown and memories of what was promised and has been revoked. Choked and suffocated by what could have been and what is no longer. 

Stronger is how I see you. Look through my eyes to see who you are. Far from a broken person; opposite of unloveable; destine to be great.

Make the life you live special and whole. Full of all the sweetest things that were robbed from you the first time. Find your peace and reach for the stars. Far from over is your life as long as you try to give back and connect. 

Rectify the wrong; let go; pick up that heart left in the dust on the ground and surround yourself with beauty. 

You deserve it. 

Feels More Like Work

I'm off of work for a week on what is supposed to be vacation, but it's more like a really extended weekend. I am a bit disappointed that I didn't plan anything to do, and taking time off while everyone is working has left me with only solo options for entertainment. I know there's nothing wrong with going to see a movie alone, but to me it is just not that enjoyable. These days alone is the last thing I want to do, especially when there are people in my life I actually want to spend time with.

I say a lot that I don't like people, but after the dream I had last night I don't think that is a fair statement. I actually really enjoy the company of those I care about. I am afraid I've pushed people away going through all the change over the past several months. I am worried I'll wake up one day and have no one in my life because I've shut everyone out. 

Today I am going to finish packing, work out, take myself to lunch and visit my new apartment. It is not a big place. Not lavish, or grand. It is small, humble, understated, historic, has some wear but all giving it character and charm. I think my new place is a lot like me. It doesn't need much, doesn't pretend to be anything it is not, and just wants to be loved and seen as beautiful for what it is. 

I can't wait to move. Both physically and mentally into a better head space. I woke up questioning a hell of a lot in my life right now. Thinking about what I have versus what I deserve. About what I share and what is shared with me. I feel like most of the time I put it all out there and am going to stop over sharing. I feel like there are people in my life I share too much with and those I don't share enough. I'm sure a good portion of my anxious worry can be attributed to the move this week, but it is also because I stopped to feel. There are some people in my life I wish would let me in more. Or be more expressive. No more over sharing for me. No more putting it all out there. I will put out what I get back and over time grow to know and understand. 

Today is supposed to be vacation, but it feels more like work. 

Let's Get Real

I have a harder time writing when I'm happy, which is actually quite sad. But it is the truth. I find myself searching for something to write about instead of just writing about why I am so happy. I find that readership of my sadder, more "real" blog entries is significantly higher than those that are more positive. Perhaps people are searching for comfort in the honesty and openness of my struggles. Or maybe it is just the specific topic that draws people in. I haven't really examined any of the data to make a truly educated guess.

So here is a real topic for you to ponder... moving on and embracing change. Moving on is a reoccurring theme in my life these days and is something I think I am becoming pretty good at. I am trying my hardest to embrace the change and the new aspects of my life. In round two of my life I am working hard to be less of a control freak. Don't get me wrong, I still can't stand waiting until the last minute to confirm plans or the feeling of being unprepared for an event. I am still very much so afraid of the unknown. The difference is I am trying to harness that fear and use it to get past my hurdles.

Since I've been on my own I have decided that the only way to truly change is to force myself to do all the things I am afraid of and put myself in uncomfortable situations. Here's a little secret about me... I used to hate the unknown and the possibilities of awkward run-ins with old friends so much I would wait in the car if I was meeting a friend somewhere until I knew that they were already there. I would fill up my schedule so I was always doing something with someone so I never had to be alone. I lacked confidence and strength.

Today I am a different woman. I actually enjoy a night to myself, not all the time of course, but every now and then I think it is refreshing to jump in the car, grab a bite to eat alone, and take a drive. I like to be left with my thoughts (provided they are not self defeating and negative). I think it is healthy to be comfortable in your own skin. I also force myself to take part in social gatherings and situations that I would instinctively shy away from and engage in conversation with strangers whenever I get the chance.

I don't want to be held back by my own irrational fears and lack of confidence. I want to live a happy life and be able to show my friends and those around me who I truly am inside. There are very few people I really let in. I have a pretty tall wall up around me keeping me safe and protected from judgements and peoples unnecessary cruelty. But my wall has a hard time discerning between those who are hurtful and those who care. A wall is a wall and once it is up it prevents anyone, even those with the best of intentions and care, out of my life and it becomes impossible to make real connections.

In moving on I am also moving forward. I am scared of starting over and letting those in who really care, but I also very excited about it. I enjoy the process of being open and honest about what I feel and what I think with those I care about. I am learning a lot from being able to share the process of healing and rebuilding through this blog. Writing it out and telling my story makes me feel less alone and takes the sting out of being thirty one years old and starting life over again. It makes it so much easier to know that I have people in my corner and that possibly I am helping them go through their own journey.

I can only say for sure that I am who I am. I work hard to stay in shape and hope to become even stronger and more beautiful as I age. I try to learn as much as I can and educate myself to be even smarter. I want to surround myself with those who make me laugh and smile so I always have a happy, light heart. I try to give back to people I care about, being there as a shoulder to cry on and a comfort. I am working on being a better friend, daughter, more loving, more gentle, more understanding, much more patient.

Life isn't easy right now, but I know I am moving on; changing; moving forward. Growing. Loving. And I know I am cared for.

Showing Some Skin

Here I am day number two bustin my ass killing it on the elliptical to some Katy Perry Dark Horse... in a freakin tank top! To most this is not an accomplishment, but to me it is a giant deal. I hate my arms and have been in tattoo cover up for work for so long I have developed an insecurity for showing some skin. I have been thinking negatively for quite some time now that my arms are too far, too pale, to tattooed for public visual consumption. 

Stupid, I know. But it is what it is, until today. I feel good! I've been working out hard, especially on my arms, and I'm not going to hide anymore. Sure they are a bit looser than I would like and the are covered in tattoos. But that is who I am.

2014 is about me and accepting who I am, where I'm at, and being proud of that or working on things until I am happy. It starts here at a new gym, with the right people cheering in my corner. 

In thinking about changes I started to notice a trend reoccurring. It's hard to put into words what this tend is, so I'll give you an example. Last night I watched a movie that referenced  someone being a "book maker." I had to ask to find out that this is a bookie. Today I went to a long two hour meeting with several educated, very intimidating professionals and low and behold someone referenced "book making!" It may be small, but this is just one example out of many "coincidences" that just don't seem so coincidental anymore. I think they are subtle reassurances that  I'm in the right place at the right time in my life. That things are as they should be. 

In the prolific words of Katy Perry, "Are You Ready For A Perfect Storm?" Cause I'm coming for you world!

Responsible Adult

It suddenly hit me this afternoon...I am an adult! What?!? When did this happen? I swear I didn't see it coming. When I look in the mirror I still see a kid; visually I am still I my early twenties besides a few laugh lines and bags under my eyes. I don't feel like I thought I would feel when I was an adult. Sure I'm more tired than my younger years and it may take me 5 minutes so sit up in bed in the morning, but I just don't feel like a grown up...except for one thing...responsibility.

When did I get so damn responsible? So unbelievably cautious. When did I become one who calculates risk and assesses outcomes of situations? When did I start playing it safe? 

To get a bit personal here (sorry Tom), my husband and I are going through a very trying time. Two years ago we decided to take a few calculated risks knowing that the next few years were going to be rough and were going to test the strength of our relationship. 

Two years ago I decided to leave my job of five and a half years for a new career on the Westside in a new industry with a new set of responsibilities. While my old job was a tense, toxic place to work, it was routine and mindless and so I got out. I added on a lot of gas money each month to get to the Westside and back in my guzzling American made SUV, but it was well worth the change to a fantastic company with opportunity and value. 

Two years ago my husband decided it was time to officially open his own plumbing company and commit himself 100% to building his business. For a few years he worked half for himself and half for another company and after lengthy discussion we decided it was time to "shit of get off the pot." Pun completely intended.

New job, new business, why not add a new apartment in the beautiful, expensive, beach community of Santa Monica, CA to the mix? In efforts to avoid a one and a half hour commute for me daily and the taxing gas expenditure we packed up our triplex in the valley and high tailed it over to our new place...did I mention rent was $300 more a month? 

So now new job, new business with a second rent for a shop location, new residence, and lastly new car...we traded in the all American SUV for a brand new VW Passat. All these changes were new and exiting and definitely the right decision, but nonetheless very fucking scary.

Our relationship has definitely been put to the test. His plumbing business has luckily been doing very well and he has remained consistently busy with jobs. (Knock on wood...or elliptical machine in my case.) But it still a struggle. Staffing and payroll are a thorn in his side and check runs and delayed payments are hurting us. He is up several times a night in a panic and therefore always tired. He doesn't see his friends anymore and we cannot take time off in fear of the business suffering. It is a 24/7 beast that we can only hope pays off. 

Two rents, bills galore, a mom on disability from a freak fall, two other relatives barely holding on financially, insurance, payroll, vendor payments, taxes, it is all a pressure cooker that is there to worry about daily. We are tested every day to survive and somehow get ahead and to make it through together. Some days are better than others and honestly there are times when the future looks bleak. I just wake up each day and show up and close my eyes each night and hope to have the strength to do the same the next day. Because I'm a responsible adult and that's what adults do.

Change It Up

I think a lot about different topics to write about and things that would be issues that anyone reading this could relate to. (I'm still shocked people actually follow this blog!) A topic on my mind is change. Change is a multifaceted topic for which I have many thoughts.

I look at change as something inward and something outward. It is something that is done and something one must work at. It is something one must accept. 

I hate change initially, but I realize it's healthy. With life constantly evolving change is inevitable. I know it's a challenge, but you have to break out of your pattern and change it up.

I've faced change in terms of my friendship circle. I've dealt with the change of my family dynamic. I've changed personally as far as what I want out of my life, my relationship, my career...I've grown and have learned that everything needs adjusting as time goes on. 

A big area that requires work and change is relationships. If you are in a relationship and have a partner unwilling to change, get out. This is your only option. A relationship is work and requires constant examination, learning, growth and CHANGE! It doesn't work when your partner is unwilling to do anything differently: when they only have one way of thinking and are not flexible to try anything beyond that. That just doesn't work and all you'll get out of that is a crabby, miserable life in the same emotional spiral over and over again expecting a different result.

Change is also required when dealing with life's lemons. Quick change in fact. You never know what crazy shit may head your way, so be ready to change. 

I am not sure if you know this about me or not, but I am constantly self examining and looking for areas of improvement. I put out a cynical, sarcastic front but on the inside I'm a deeper person. I am more positive than I present outwardly and am always trying to tweak things about myself that require tweaking. I truly believe in being the best version of yourself or at least working towards it. 

I try to understand and accept change that is necessary in my life. I try to change my way of thinking or my approach to issues to better my relationship. I work on my own issues of self loathing and lack of confidence in an effort to change into a more positive, successful person. I try to change my inner voice when she is overly critical or harsh without cause.

I think most importantly is having those in your life also willing to do the work and change. I don't want stagnant, miserable people in my life bringing me down. If I try and cannot help them I must help myself by moving on, friends and family included. No one deserves people in their lives who bring them down; life is hard enough without that. 

So get out there and change it up. Stir the pot of your life, find the fucking motivation deep in your core, remember the fantastic person you are and keep in mind the people who do encourage you to change for the better and do it! You are never alone unless you choose to be. 

Have a great 4th of July!