It's Your Funeral

Most people do not consider their own mortality often or picture their own funeral. I never did until my father passed away. And I definitely never thought about it on a regular basis until I started working at a cemetery and mortuary.

Death is all around me daily and it's hard not to think about my own finality when I see it all the time as much as I do. Today was one of those days that really got me thinking. We had a funeral for a very notable figure in our community that brought in 800+ people. 800?!? I don't think I even know 100 people, especially not that many who give a shit about me enough to attend a ceremony honoring my departure to the afterlife! 

If I were to die today what would people say about me? Who would be there for my family or in my honor? Would I make a ripple in the community or would I pass away as quickly as any other day? 

I would hope to have only loving, kind and respectful people there to lay me to rest and speak stories of my humor and lust for life. I would hope my accomplishments and personal triumphs would be accurately characterized...wait?!? What are those accomplishments? 

I am left with a deep feeling of needing to do more. A need to live harder and more fulfilled. Live safely yet freely as if your last breath is moments away. Live and love deeply with purpose. I want to volunteer more. I want to pursue education, passion, and be an inspiration. I may not have monetary riches, but I can give motivation and encouragement and help to inspire. I can give my time and my heart. 

If I were at my own funeral I would talk about my heart. I would tell everyone the deep love I had for them and how my need to always do more came from my desire to help and to please. I wish for my family to know how dear they are to me and how thankful I am to have so many who care for me. I wish for my friends to know how I am who I am because of their support. I want my husband to know I am so thankful for such a good partner and best friend. That even if we fight or feel like we hate each other at times, he is my rock and has done a good job showing me his love. I want anyone in my life that I've connected with to know that they mean everything to me and that I feel every day lucky to be surrounded by such funny, witty, kind, caring and talented people who hold a place in my heart. 

If it were my funeral I would want everyone to know confidently that I am grateful for their love. And of course I would expect several dick, fart and "that's what grandma said" jokes!