Strategic Recklessness

The whole point of this blog was to write about my struggles and successes both past and current. I feel I have strayed a bit as a result of day to day life stuff and need to refocus. I will shed some light on a side to me that I show to only those I'm really close with. My wild side.

Now I have definitely calmed down over the years, but I will never lose a goofiness to my personally. I will always be a bit wild and strategically recklessness. Very few people see the full extent of my silliness, especially since I've been sober. But it's in there; waiting until the time is right to strike.

I love to sing badly in crazy voices to the radio but will never do it to an audience. I love to pretend I'm a white rapper from the dirty South and car dance to pop music teenage girls listen to. I used to be a raving candy kid and that love of wicked electronic beats has never left.

I make voices and sing to my dogs off key on purpose almost daily, making up lyrics relating to them. I send my friends pictures of me making crazy/ugly faces almost daily. I will randomly bust out a purposefully obnoxious dance to amuse. I practice accents and voice over work when no one is around for no reason other than personal enjoyment.

I hold back the silly side to me because I'm afraid I'm going to be judged, but truth be told I absolutely love that side to me. I like to laugh and love to make others feel good.

Completely embarrassing to admit, I can do an impression of Elmo and Kermit the Frog spot on. I used to do it all the time and at one point recorded my voicemail greeting as Elmo. I was and still am one of the biggest nerds you'll ever meet; thing is I used to be ashamed of it but now I embrace it. Cause I'm dead sexy...haha I kid, I kid.

This leads me to my daily affirmations: 

I am young at heart - I may grow old in years but will never lose my silliness. I'm a joker from way back and will never forget how to laugh or take myself and life too seriously. 

I have sex appeal - I am not sexy. I'm not graceful or elegant or drop dead gorgeous. I have been told I have sex appeal, which is different. It's a combination of intelligence, beauty and intrigue. I don't know if I quite believe this one just yet, but maybe putting it in writing will help.

I try - I don't sit around and wait in hope that life will happen. I am realistic and recognize that it takes work. I put my mind to something and do whatever it takes to make it happen. If I want it I'll get it. I get things done!

I need to visualize my former crazy self and harness that a little bit more in my life, with strategic recklessness, carefully planned and executed craziness. I gotta remember to have fun!