Don't get me wrong, I'm not a saint or a prude; I'll never be compared to Mother Theresa! I still appreciate a good dick joke or "that's what grandma said." I am still a gutter mind disguised in a dress. But I'm SO much more conservative; more subdued than my former years.
I am basically a purist minus the caffeine. I don't smoke (anything); don't drink alcohol; don't do drugs; work out every day or try to; try to eat healthy; don't really go to bars and if I do I'm still home by 10...I wake up at 5 am daily and consider sleeping in until 8 am an accomplishment. I enjoy time at home and the mellow life I live. Holy shit...I'm fucking boring!
I'm okay with it though...I like being in control. I hate temptation. I am afraid if what I cannot anticipate with certainty. Am I living a limited life based on my fears or am I just living the way I should as I get older?
I think as years have gone by and my priorities have changed it's been harder and harder to make new friends. Friends with similar goals and understanding. I have a fantastic core group of friends and am so thankful for that. I am afraid that as we all get busier and life advances we will all see each other less and less. I hope not. I don't think I have it in me to start again. I've been down this road too many times.
Nothing makes me happier than knowing someone really gets me- that there is a genuine connection and a mutual respect and admiration for one another. I don't want to lose those I have in my life today; rather build on those relationships and connect on a deeper level.
If we do not know our purpose for being on this planet in this world the least we can do is live a happy life and love more. You will know it if I love you and I hope you'll show it back.
I'm still a bit crass and immature at heart; I just have a little more hippie in me than I though (or maybe cared to admit) and there's nothing wrong with it. If being a boring, loving hippieish person equals happiness then so be it.
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