Facebook Stalking

I spend a considerable amount of time on my phone or iPad bouncing around from page to page on Facebook or Instagram checking up on the new and exciting happenings  of people's lives. I am definitely guilty of Facebook stalking, especially on pages of friends who have burned me in the past. 

I'm not proud of this at all, but it's the truth and the first step is admitting I have a problem, right? I can't help myself; it's like my mind and finger just go right to the search field and I torture myself looking up people who are no longer in my life for one reason or another. 

Reason one is plain and simple; harmless curiosity. I just want to know how much their lives as well as mine have changed. I am curious what they look like and what occupies their time. Harmless. 

Reason two is jealousy. I torture myself by perusing pages of ex-friends to see pictures and status updates of ultrasounds and new home purchases. I harass myself with Instagram photos of people looking happier, healthier, skinnier...I know it isn't right and it's pretty sad on my part,  but it's true. 

Why do I care?!? No matter how much I have going on in my life and how much success I reach, I still look back. I hold on to so much animosity for those who have treated my friendship poorly and have lived badly, but yet end up on top. I curse the people who post endless selfies and look great with a big fat smile on their face while only a matter of months before they were trying to hurt me or crapped on my generosity. 

I struggle against becoming jaded and completely cynical and distrusting and I know that Facebook comparing doesn't help! This self-defeating behavior is so counterproductive to having a healthy, happy life and is completely pointless.

Regardless of what people post on the front pages of their public profile, I know who they really are and how they've lived. You really can't judge a book by its cover; you may get lured in and deceived by a false representation of happiness and enjoyment, but it's just a farce. I know them at a core level and must not forget that. 

Most importantly, my focus should be my life. It's mine to live and and is the only matter in terms of being content. I've got miles ahead of me; I need to slow up the pace and take in the journey and focus on what truly matters. And it sure as hell isn't the past.