Lucky Girl

I am constantly shocked by things and people in my life and I love it. So many people I didn't expect to be deep thinkers or understanding. So many people I expect to be that way who really aren't. People who I connect with that I had no idea were having parallel experiences to my life that reach out to say they know what it's like. People who make me laugh constantly and help me forget the giant piles of shit life sometimes throws my way. I'm a lucky girl!

I write this blog directly from the heart. There's no added bullshit for dramatic effect. It's honest and direct and an extension of my core feelings. It's me and my journey, take it or leave it. 

My day ended with a text from my mom (hi mom) who stumbled on my blog through a Facebook stalking session...you know, motherly "curiosity." She read my blog from yesterday about her recent visit to the ER and my reflections of fears of her aging and my inability to properly care for her. She said it was depressing and then reassured me that she knew I was there for her. I must admit I was a bit freaked out initially that she read my blog, but we are both adults. There's nothing, well maybe a few things, that would surprise her in my writing that she didn't already know I did at one point in my life. And if it's new news, well I will chalk it up to getting to know me better. We've all done crazy shit at some point; lucky for me I survived and lucky for her she didn't know about it!

After getting a text from my mom I noticed an email from a childhood friend reaching out about my blog. She sent a heartfelt letter sharing her own similar story and offered her friendship, advice and understanding. I'm a lucky girl!

Writing this blog and connecting with people as a result has confirmed for me that honesty really is the best policy. It is vital for me to be open and honest with people, even if I fear the reaction I'm going to get from someone hearing something they didn't want to hear. I have worked so damn hard to balance out my life and make sense of where I came from and who I'm supposed to be that I owe it to myself and those I love to be real. 

I am so touched that this blog has reached so many people and has helped others the way writing it helps me. It's totally freakin scary sharing personal stories and situations because they are my real life experiences. It's not a work of fiction and I'm afraid of being judged or shunned, but it's a risk I take to get it out to live happier and healthier and hopefully help others in the process. 

In the end I'm glad my mom is reading my blog. (Thanks Mom!)  It's not always easy for she and I to communicate and maybe this will give her some perspective on the woman I've become and the struggles I face that she was not aware of. I have a lot I want to share with her but fear doing so. Maybe this blog is what will break us past that barrier and open up a line of communication free of judgement and anger. This is a good thing and I'm definitely a lucky girl!