Smell The Fuckin Roses

I feel pretty good about myself right now. Not exactly sure what happened in my life that has altered how I view myself. Maybe it is the confidence others have in me or the accolades I've been getting lately. Maybe it's just knowing I'm putting in some seriously hard work at life as a whole. Maybe I am happy with myself. 

I had a meeting this morning with a group of people that typically scare the shit out of me. I am usually riddled with anxiety before meeting with this group because they are all seasoned professionals with success and experience behind them. Today I was not afraid. I felt comfortable, even relaxed. I recognize my serious lack of education and the fact that I'm learning as I go, but don't see that as something that makes me less worthy of being there. I make strong visual advertisements and use a imagery and precise copy to convey a message. I just had someone this afternoon ask me who makes the ads they've seen in the Jewish Journal, to which I replied "Me" with one big ass smile on my face. I deserve to be at that table. I just need to learn and find my voice once I have gained that knowledge. 

I also feel like I'm a work in progress and that is okay. It's alright to be in a stage of fixing myself, as long as I'm actually doing the work and trying to better myself. 

At one point I did disappoint myself today, actually for a while now. I feel like I dump way too much of my own issues on other people. I have to close the door to my personal life a bit and learn to keep people a bit more at a distance. Funny how I've gone from being completely closed off to letting people in too much. I feel like I'm respected less and just seen as irritating the more I share struggle or frustration. We've all got issues and I need to keep mine to myself. It's easy to blur lines. I fear I'm looked at as more fractured than if I were to keep my issues to myself...lesson learned.

I am very introspective right now. I want a change. I want to be better; work better, be smarter, more successful, look prettier. I want it all, to be the total package. And I'm willing to do the work.

I woke up super early today, went to the big meeting, worked a full day packed with projects, did 2 interviews and stayed at work late, and am still at the gym now. I am dog tired and would much rather be eating frozen yogurt, but I'm not going to let myself down. 

Life has a crazy way of working out; of bringing certain people in your path for a reason; putting you on one course with a preprescribed purpose. Someone told me today that when the time is right to act you will know and will make it happen. I couldn't agree more. I am ready to make a difference and make significant improvements in my life. It's time to get it together and smell the fuckin roses!