I'm Thankful

I am so thankful today for all the opportunities I have in my life. I am so grateful for being healthy and having days to live ahead of me. I've never conceived of my own mortality as much as I have over the past two years working at a Cemetery and Mortuary. The big sleep is much more real seeing grieving families daily. It heightens my sense of finality every time I see a family come in with articles of clothing for the burial of their loved ones.

And to think, I have practically no direct interaction with the families. I couldn't imagine how emotionally challenging it is for someone in the mortuary side of the business. Having gone through two losses myself, one not so gracefully, I know how unpredictable and raw emotionally the process can be. There doesn't seem to be a "right" thing to say during the time of loss and every situation is different to each person. 

In reflection of finalizing my hospice volunteer paperwork this afternoon I am thankful. I am able-bodied. I am young and capable. I am able to stand on my own and run on a treadmill. I am breathing without assistance from a machine. I happily eat solids. I am present in mindset and physically able to be independent. I am thankful.

I asked myself earlier while walking into the hospice office to finalize paperwork why I was doing this...what the hell did I sign myself up for? 

I look at people who are able-bodied and just lazy and I know why I'm doing this. I have a chance to do good and help someone enjoy the last leg of their flight home to the big party in the sky. I am not unable to work; I am capable of action and feel like it is important to give back to the less fortunate who have had their abilities robbed from them. I think about people sitting around all day waiting for the world to do something for them and wish they could look a dying person in the eye to see what they are actually waiting for.

You can sit around waiting for your own final curtain call or you can assist the ones whose numbers been called by sharing your abilities to make their final days comfortable. I wish I was as understanding and compassionate when my father was ill. I freaked out and should have been there more. I should have been his stability and a better listener. 

While I can't discuss cases with you throughout this process, I can express my feelings towards it all. I know it's going to be challenging and draining, but also very rewarding. Life isn't going to fill me full of feelings of satisfaction and reward - it's up to me to do something to deserve that. My impulsive decision to sign up for this type of volunteer work was my subconscious teaching me about putting in the work in order to feel fulfilled. 

I'm thankful.