I went in for my initial interview today 10 min early. The air conditioning was off in the office. I was wearing a sweater in order to conceal my tattoos. I felt sweat bead up on my brow and the longer I had to wait the more I started to slip into my lightheadedness. I was working myself up, worried about having the reaction, which actually started to cause it.
Realizing I couldn't afford to pass out and after having thoughts about running for the door, I shut down my negative train of thinking and took some deep breaths. I couldn't feed into the anxiety.
I was greeted by the volunteer coordinator and taken back to fill out paperwork and started to feel a little better. Every time she mentioned Death, Hospice, Life Support Treatments, Nurses, and Medical I I could feel mi blood pressure go crazy and a deep sweat start to form on my back. I practiced healthy breathing and distraction techniques and made it through. The words got easier and easier to hear.
Getting my TB test instigated a lightheadedness, but I was able to be honest with them about my nervousness and they helped me through it. I took a drug test without complication and finished up the interview process unscathed.
I was approved as a volunteer. I did it! I feel so empowered right now; I feel like I have regained some semblance of control over my emotions and have a fighting chance to overcome this debilitating problem. I was able to nip the thoughts of fleeing the building in the bud and push past it. I fought through it with rationalization and self awareness. I kept telling myself that I want to be there. I want to help. I want to give back. I don't want anxiety to control me.
I did it! Today was a small victory over this stupid chemical reaction and reason for me to keep trying; keep fighting.
In the words of Tommy Trojan and more importantly, Danny Felsen - "Fight On!" I'm doing this for him.
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