I know that this blog is a fucking cliche. Just an open forum for ranting and bitching. I am so torn between love of writing and the need of an outlet vs. the pretentiousness of thinking everyone gives a shit about what rants and thoughts are bouncing around in my mind.
As someone I know likes to say, it is what it is, and so I will keep on keepin on. I've been posting quite a bit of backstory on me and some of the people or circumstances that have caused me to fall off the metaphorical wagon so to speak. Don't get me wrong, I am in a good, scratch that, great place in many aspects of my present life, with some parts better than others. I have a great fucking job that I am thankful for every morning when I log on to my computer at my desk. I am embraced for my quirky, slightly crazy self and feel like I really have place where I belong. Most people go to a job that they can do but do not enjoy. I am the lucky exception. As far as my career is concerned I have it all.
I am however at a difficult crossroads in my life where I feel a tremendous amount of pressure put on me by my married peers and my family in terms of starting a family. I am not there yet, if ever. I like the idea of keeping the family going and the notion of heritage and tradition, but I am not sure I can handle the rest of what comes with that responsibility. And this whole being 30 thing at first didn't seem to be a big deal, but has quickly become dreadful. I am so bloody sick and tired of getting asked when I am going to get pregnant or why I do not own a home. And I am pretty sure that most of my relatives think I am unable to conceive because there is no other reason in their minds why a couple would be together 10 years and not procreate. Maybe because I'm still trying to figure shit out!? Have they ever considered that maybe I am doing my unborn, not-even-a-consideration fetus a solid by trying to figure out my marital issues before brining it into this chaotic world? So there it is...I am actually being selfless in my abstinence from motherhood.
And I have a news flash for everyone freshly married and on a rampage to pop out a screaming, pooping bundle of joy...having a baby is not an obligation. It is not a right of passage. It doesn't make you a better person. It is simply a choice, of course full of seriousness and love and hopefully excitement. But it is not something to do because your mom said so or because you feel it is expected of you.. So eat it cousin Jenny! Let that simmer Aunt Jeane!
In the end I truly don't want this blog to be a bitchfest. I want to use my right of freedom of speech for fun facts and witty, interesting observations that will hopefully provoke you to think and comment back. In a world of constant connection full of hash tags, status updates and sharing blogging is important. I hope you enjoy!
And I have a news flash for everyone freshly married and on a rampage to pop out a screaming, pooping bundle of joy...having a baby is not an obligation. It is not a right of passage. It doesn't make you a better person. It is simply a choice, of course full of seriousness and love and hopefully excitement. But it is not something to do because your mom said so or because you feel it is expected of you.. So eat it cousin Jenny! Let that simmer Aunt Jeane!
In the end I truly don't want this blog to be a bitchfest. I want to use my right of freedom of speech for fun facts and witty, interesting observations that will hopefully provoke you to think and comment back. In a world of constant connection full of hash tags, status updates and sharing blogging is important. I hope you enjoy!
I am very glad I waited to have Addison. I was SO not ready before then. The pressure is stupid. You need to be ready and if you aren't ever, then who cares? It's your life. xx
ReplyDeleteThank you for the encouragement and honesty. I usually hear the typical comment like "no one is ever ready" or "it's not as hard as you think, it will be like second nature to you." But it is hard and so thank you for being honest and for being a friend with a baby who doesn't shun me for not having my own yet!!
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