It has to be said – I have some really great friends,
especially the friendships I have cultivated over the past few years. Knowing
Father’s Day was especially difficult for me, I had a few friends reach out
with words of encouragement and understanding and made me feel so loved. I am a
lucky girl. It showed me that while I am saddened by the fact that my father is
not in my life, I am loved by others so much and that family is whatever you
decide it should be; friends or otherwise.
Speaking of friendship, my father had over 400 people attend his funeral. They were all close friends. Some were friends from elementary school, others from his time at USC. Even the FedEx delivery man was there to share his condolences as he and my father bonded over lengthy conversations about college basketball.
Because of this I have spent the past several months trying
to reconnect with friendships lost over time. It has been like meeting
strangers for the first time, getting to know them for the adult they have
become and likewise them getting to know me. While there are a few people who I
will continue to spend time with, there are many others who were great friends
during one point in my life, but are on completely different paths today. Some
people have not progressed and are in the same place they were when we were
last friends ten years ago. Some people are so different there is absolutely no
common ground.
Finding people to build lasting, quality friendships with is
not easy. Trust is something I struggle with as I have had too many people burn
me in my past. There are very few friends in my life that I let see every
aspect of my personality, the good the bad and the ugly. Expectations are
another issue. I have very high expectations for friends in terms of flakiness
and being truthful, caring people. I put 100% effort into my friendships, am a
firm believer in loyalty, and have zero tolerance for drama. I have had enough
drama in my life to know that nothing good comes from a jealous, fair-weather
friendship.
As a result of everything that has happened with various
friendships over the years I have to fight against becoming jaded and thinking
everyone will disappear in the end or wrong me in some way. All I can do is
focus on being a better friend, better listener and better confidant to the
people I care about in my life and in return hope they do the same for me.
I know now, especially after yesterday, that I have met some
truly amazing people that I hope to keep in my life for the long haul.
"All I can do is focus on being a better friend, better listener and better confidant to the people I care about in my life..."
ReplyDeleteI can honestly say this is something at which I think you excel. I've met a lot of people since high school (the time in our lives when we suddenly have to remember how to make new friends since our old ones are no longer there in the same way, for a multitude of reasons) and it's been hard to form a connection that is similar to those I have with some of the people with whom I grew up being friends for years. But with you it's been surprisingly easy. It's because you're willing to put in the effort at establishing the friendship in the first place, but also because you are really supportive/willing to listen/willing to share. You're willing to build the "intimacy" it takes to really make a friendship move from the superficial to the solid. Thank you for that. :)
I also don't think everyone's cut out to have 400 friends. I think for some people that amount of friends is an energy booster and others an energy drain (the extrovert vs the introvert, perhaps). And just because all of the friendships haven't lasted doesn't mean that you've failed. People change, you change, and that stuff just can't be controlled. At the very least you have to hope that you remember the good times and that you learned something about yourself, the person you want to be, and the type of people you want to surround yourself with going forward.
Thank you so much! Very sweet of you to say! I have often found it difficult to make girl friends, but it also has been very easy building a friendship with you. You too put the effort into building our friendship and also are there to listen or be a shoulder to cry on. I am very thankful we have become friends!
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