All By Myself

I am sitting by myself heaving a healthy breakfast at IHOP waiting for my car to get service. This is so foreign to me, eating alone. I don't even like the sound of the word alone...sounds so final, so dark, so harsh. I'm finding that it really isn't all that bad. It is quite enjoyable to sit and reflect and take in the moving world around me. I have been so down in the dumps and stressed out lately and it's kind of nice to get away from that and zone out at breakfast by myself. 

My first real experience eating alone was when earlier this year I decided to take a solo trip up the California coast to Morro Bay. Man was that a challenge! A good challenge that really tested my comfort zones and forced me to face my fear of independent activity. I learned that it may be awkward initially, but it gets easier and easier over time and now I am sitting here completely comfortable in my own skin. I realize no one is staring at me thinking "look at that girl all alone..." No one cares or even notices and there is something comforting in the idea that I can disappear into the atmosphere of the restaurant and just observe. 

I'm having quite an unmotivated day. My throat hurts big time and I think my stress and worry has come to a head and I am at my breaking point where all I want to do is alternate between sleeping and watching cheesy movies. I know I have to get my ass in gear and get to the gym as soon as my car is ready. I feel like I need a pep talk to walk the 6 blocks back to the dealership to pick up my car, so it's going to take everything I've got to get to the gym! Help!! 

It's funny how life can at times feel like a balancing act; a game of Jenga where at any moment if one thing is moved slightly it can all come crashing down. I know I'm being totally dramatic and that's mostly because I'm exhausted and not feeling well, but I'm trying to find a way to calm my nerves and realize it is a mere moment in time and like all other struggle in my life, this too shall pass.