It's Never Too Late My Ass

Back to my previous entry A Big Regret, I have made some bad choices that have left a negative impact on my future. For the first time in my life I am really feeling the consequences of my choices. I wish I could go back and stop myself in my tracks and reset my way of thinking to make the right decision.

I started thinking back to my past choices and what I could do now to rectify some of the wrong decisions I made and realize it is so hard, basically impossible to do some of the things I should have done before. The saying "it's never too late" is a farce! It's a lofty, positive way to make your bad decisions less painful to stomach, but honestly it is too late to do certain things now.

My choice to quit school was stupid. Listen up future leaders and decision makers - go to fucking college! It is not only vital to your future success but why struggle when you don't have to? Get your dumb asses to school! You WILL regret it if you don't. I do. It really is too late to go back; I am too busy with work; have too many other bills to pay; have a family to worry about. The school ship has sailed.

Here is another stupid one...my choice to spend almost all of my 20's making money and spending it faster than it came in on alcohol and having fun with friends. Sure I had a blast; I made some really great memories of silly nights, went on a few trips, saw a handful of rock shows. But they were all moments, nothing that was really beneficial to my future. I have nothing to show for it except some funny pictures and a few stories to tell. But the choice to blow all our money going out is why we are struggling so hard right now. And friends who partied with us then who did manage to get ahead and are more successful now had help from family. It is too late - I cannot go back and erase what has been done. I can't go back and get the money back or change my decisions. I can only move forward from here on out, which I have been doing for several years now, but I will always be playing catch up.

My father used to say to my grandma "Erin will get there, she just has to do things her way on her terms, have patience with her." While I am kind of offended because it makes me sound slightly "special", it is sadly true. I do things the way that makes sense for me, when I am ready, when I decide its time. This way of living is detrimental. I used to think it was admirable and showed maturity or determination. It doesn't. It is stupid and holds you back. There will always be people smarter than you, with more experience or education, that can help guide you if you let them. So let them! If someone tells you to stay in school because you will regret it and will struggle, it's true so listen! If someone shows you an easier way to do something try it their way; it will most likely work and save you a hell of a lot of trouble! 

I have learned lessons from my bad choices, which is the only reason I am not more bitter or filled with more self anger and disappointment. I have learned, albeit the hard way, and have been able to make much better, more responsible choices as a result.