When did I get so damn responsible? So unbelievably cautious. When did I become one who calculates risk and assesses outcomes of situations? When did I start playing it safe?
To get a bit personal here (sorry Tom), my husband and I are going through a very trying time. Two years ago we decided to take a few calculated risks knowing that the next few years were going to be rough and were going to test the strength of our relationship.
Two years ago I decided to leave my job of five and a half years for a new career on the Westside in a new industry with a new set of responsibilities. While my old job was a tense, toxic place to work, it was routine and mindless and so I got out. I added on a lot of gas money each month to get to the Westside and back in my guzzling American made SUV, but it was well worth the change to a fantastic company with opportunity and value.
Two years ago my husband decided it was time to officially open his own plumbing company and commit himself 100% to building his business. For a few years he worked half for himself and half for another company and after lengthy discussion we decided it was time to "shit of get off the pot." Pun completely intended.
New job, new business, why not add a new apartment in the beautiful, expensive, beach community of Santa Monica, CA to the mix? In efforts to avoid a one and a half hour commute for me daily and the taxing gas expenditure we packed up our triplex in the valley and high tailed it over to our new place...did I mention rent was $300 more a month?
So now new job, new business with a second rent for a shop location, new residence, and lastly new car...we traded in the all American SUV for a brand new VW Passat. All these changes were new and exiting and definitely the right decision, but nonetheless very fucking scary.
Our relationship has definitely been put to the test. His plumbing business has luckily been doing very well and he has remained consistently busy with jobs. (Knock on wood...or elliptical machine in my case.) But it still a struggle. Staffing and payroll are a thorn in his side and check runs and delayed payments are hurting us. He is up several times a night in a panic and therefore always tired. He doesn't see his friends anymore and we cannot take time off in fear of the business suffering. It is a 24/7 beast that we can only hope pays off.
Two rents, bills galore, a mom on disability from a freak fall, two other relatives barely holding on financially, insurance, payroll, vendor payments, taxes, it is all a pressure cooker that is there to worry about daily. We are tested every day to survive and somehow get ahead and to make it through together. Some days are better than others and honestly there are times when the future looks bleak. I just wake up each day and show up and close my eyes each night and hope to have the strength to do the same the next day. Because I'm a responsible adult and that's what adults do.
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