Helping Myself

I am much more motivated today than other Saturdays. I made it to the gym without hesitation and without anyone giving me an extra push. I am responsible for what I do and do not do and if I want to get in shape, look good and feel fabulous it is up to me only me. I can't rely on anyone else to get me here and help me meet my goals - I have to drive myself. 

So here I am, back on this machine, working up a very healthy sweat, thinking about the events of the day to follow. We have this BBQ to attend at a friends new home. There will be a few old friends there and people I've either never met or met once in passing. I am actually a bit nervous. 

Not because of who is going to be there or because of any social awkwardness; because of the unknown emotional response I may have. As I've mentioned in a few other blogs, my 30's have started out with a bit of difficulty in terms of my feelings on the milestones I've hit or rather not hit by this point in my life. I've been feeling a tremendous amount of pressure about being married 5 years and not having a home with a picket white fence and a child. So today, going to the new home of an old acquaintence who is 6 months pregnant and only married one year weighs heavy on my mind. 

It's honestly nothing against them at all; I truly am very happy for them and can really see how happy they both are. It is an insecurity within myself combined with an unreasonable dose of jealousy that I'm dealing with. But that's exactly what I'm doing - dealing with it. 

I figure I'm right in the middle - I do boy have the fairy tale home or the bun in the oven, but I'm also married to a great guy and I'm establishing a successful career while he builds a successful business that is the foundation for our future. I am right in the middle of the spectrum of life and I'm actually happier than I realized. 

It helps to take a step back and gain perspective on each situation. There isn't one prescribed path everyone must take in life. That is a dated way of looking at things. There are more options out there then stay at home mom of three and overworked father. A dual income no kids family dynamic is acceptable too!

As far as my outlook on today, I will go with a heart full of happiness for their success and congratulate them sincerely. And I will remember that for us, all of our mandatory hard work, blood, sweat and tears, will eventually pay off and give us our own version of success.